


32 Seconds In

by netflixat3am



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4509498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netflixat3am/pseuds/netflixat3am
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Peter sees Balthazar with Kit in the flat, he says something he can't take back and everything goes to hell. Based on the clip in the Lovely Little Losers Trailer where Peter and Balthazar are fighting (0:32).</p>
            </blockquote>





	32 Seconds In

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by: theinsanityjar on tumblr

There they were: Balthazar and Kit. They chatted absently, watching everyone else mingle and dance, Balth tucked into his side happily on the couch.

They had thrown this party as a way to blow off steam after mid-term exams, but Peter couldn't stop hovering around the couch. It was making his head swim.

"Heyyy, Petey!" Ben exclaimed enthusiastically, camera pointed at Peter's face. Peter nodded in vague recognition and quickly decided to get a drink. He figured it was best to leave his balthazar-related downward spiral off camera.

Peter filled his cup with whatever was out and alcoholic, feeling the familiar burn as it went down.

As he was about to go back out, Ben came in, conspicuously camera-less.

"Sorry." He grimaced. Peter shook his head.

It was fine. It was a party and-- per Meg's request-- Ben would of course be filming. Peter just wished the camera wouldn't catch so many of his off days. It seemed like every fuck-up in his life had been recorded and posted for thousands to see, and it was just too much to have the aftermath filmed too.

Instead of telling this to Ben, he let the silence settle.

"So that's Kit, yeah?" Ben asked sypathetically.

"Yeah." Peter answered dejectedly. It wasn't like Peter hadn't had any affairs since his almost-thing with Balth, but this was different. This was something, and it was making Peter panic.

What if Balth fell in love with Kit? What if they had missed their shot? What if Peter never got to see if his hand would fit in Balthazar's?

Peter couldn't take it anymore. He charged out of the kitchen with purpose. He faltered, seeing Balth laugh with Kit like he hadn't with Peter in a long time, but with another gulp of liquid courage, he went up to them.

"Oh! Hey Peter. Haven't seen much of you tonight. This is--" Balth started, but Peter cut in.

"Balth? Can we talk?" He asked, nodding over toward the corner, away from the soul-sucking couch. All furrowed eyebrows and concern, Balth followed.

In his head, he imagined he would say something deeper, something that could express to Balth just how much he cared-- how much he had always cared. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was how long he had been holding it in, but all Peter could manage to blurt out was, "Balthazar Jones, I'm in love with you."

Balthazar flinched as if the words physically struck him. The flat was loud with people, but Balthazar's silence was deafening.

"So?" Peter prodded, shifting uncomfortably.

Balth couldn't look up. He couldn't speak.

"I mean, are you trying to punish me for missing your gig? I mean, first Damien, now Kit, you're going out with everyone except me and I can't take it anymore. I love you." Peter said.

"'Everyone else but you'?" Balthazar asked incredulously, snapping out of his silence, "You're not the one who has to hear different moans every night. You dont have to sit across from my lovers at the breakfast table in the morning."

"Really? I'm telling you I love you and that is what you are focusing on?" Peter asked in disbelief, "They don't even mean anything, Balthazar."

"Well they mean something to me! Okay? You brought everyone round the flat all the time and I respected that, but the second I bring Kit to the flat, you're-- " Balth gestured to Peter's current state of dishevelment. Peter was silent.

Balthazar took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"If you want to keep having meaningless sex with meaningless people, that's fine, alright? But I'm not going to be one of them. Not for you. I couldn't take it." Balthazar said, getting quiet at the end.

Peter stared at Balthazar, wide-eyed and wounded.

"Look, I'm sorr--" Balthazar started, but Peter cut him off.

"No. No," He paused, looking down into his cup. "I just-- fuck-- I just wish this had gone differently."

Balthazar nodded, looking at his shoes.

"Me too." He whispered to his shoes.

Balthazar ran his fingers through his hair and jabbed his thumb back toward the couch where Kit was obliviously talking with someone animatedly.

"I'm just-- I'm gonna go back. I'm sorry." Balthazar said, turning away from Peter, his heart in his shoes. With every step, he felt his heart breaking more. He told himself he had gotten over Peter Donaldson. But with every step he knew he was wrong.

Balthazar curled back into Kit's side, this time more to comfort himself. Kit was a great guy. He deserved a chance. But Balthazar couldn't stop thinking: "Peter Donaldson, I love you too."


End file.
